We are the result of the accumulation of all the decisions and choices we have made throughout our lives since we were born. The decisions you made determine what results you have had. Your relationships, your economy, your character, everything¨.
Laín García Calvo
A year of multiple decisions
I write this article from my heart ….
For me, writing is a form of therapy, it helps me to unburden myself, it organizes my thoughts and above all it is a very intense journey of self-knowledge.
For a while now, I wanted to simply write from my experiences, adding touches of my knowledge of psychology. But of course, there is my little voice telling me: No, don’t do it, what will people think of you, behave professionally; they will judge you, and a long etc. Yes, I recognize that there is a probability that this could happen, of course. I expose myself to criticism and rejection. On the other hand, what if my experiences, my feelings, my way of handling things, can help someone to at least not feel so lonely on the road…? That’s the way I want to see it, one more decision I make and I accept all the consequences.
Pandemic seems to be a mono-theme lately. It’s quite tiresome, I know but still, it’s now that a lot of emotions that were avoided for a long time because, at that moment, it wasn’t the time to feel but to survive, and now those emotions come to the surface.
I know I’m not the only one who during this year and a bit has had to make a lot of very difficult decisions. One takes courage, makes a decision, takes responsibility for her/his part and commits to move forward as best she can with all the consequences. Doing, we have all done, to the best of our ability. However, the process can be a roller coaster of uncomfortable, painful emotions that at certain times leave you with no energy to move forward.
We are all human….
Work decisions, love decisions, family decisions, and I still have one last decision left that breaks my heart, so much so that as I am writing these words, tears are falling just thinking about it.
However, decisions are important to make out of self-love, to follow your values and principles, and to accept your limits. I am one of those who think that there is a lot of world to explore, and the first one is the inner world, but if you cling to fear, to comfort, you may get lost along the way. That is not living. Of course, sometimes the consequences are not a bed of roses in the short term. It is in the long term that one can see things from a different perspective, take distance and grow as a person.
I once read: pain is inevitable, suffering is an option. At the time, I didn’t understand it but after this year and a bit, I see the difference.
Some of these decisions I have made this year have been easier for me to cope with because I haven’t given them as much thought. However, the ones that have really touched my soul, my little head has gone round and round a thousand times, has made a thousand movies and that is how we suffer.
In the end we are responsible for ourselves: our emotions, our thoughts, our actions. No one is going to come to save us, it is a somewhat lonely but very necessary journey to grow personally. Obviously, if you have those good friends to lean on in those dark moments, so much the better, it is a relief. However, along the process, you also end up discovering that not even your friends can help you because you realize that the one who has to get out of the hole is you and most importantly, you realize that something has to change because you are even getting tired of yourself!
It is super important to get out of that vicious cycle, be brave( again…) and get out of your comfort zone where you think you are fine, but you know that if you do nothing, those self sabotaging thoughts are going to destroy your self esteem.
Remember, we are 100% responsible for our life and it is necessary to wake up. That little voice is not you, your emotions are not you. They can give you information about certain things you need to work on such as: your self-esteem, how to start setting limits, how to handle yourself socially again, start opening up to other people who add to your life, etc, etc. But don’t follow too much the thread of sadness, anger, frustration because they can turn into depression, into excessive anger that will lead you further into darkness, as I say.
Keep in mind that in all this process, there will be good days, where you find yourself again, and other moments, where you go back to your little corner, feeling like a victim in your life. Yes, but no. Yes for a short time because I am not saying to avoid emotions either. It is true that you have to feel them, you have to look at them and you will see that they are harmless. Stop, breathe and you will see that little by little they fade away. When we run away from them, that is when we give them more strength, they will chase us. As I said before, it’s a yes but no.
And one last thing: be very compassionate with yourself, get rid of guilt, self-criticism and that recurring thought. All this is not useful in our lives. Try to focus on what makes you happy and the people who add to your life, open yourself to new experiences, strengthen your curiosity and please, use some humor in your day by day!. There is a lot of world to discover!
And little by little ….
Remember: our decisions condition us, but we are more than our mistakes!
Lots of strength to all!
PD: Very grateful for my friends. I love you so much!
-Train your MINDSET to SHINE-