Dear reader,
Today I am writing about a silent reality that concerns many of you….
And sometimes, life is very hard and it looks very good that “when you fall down you get up” but when you are down there, you are in your deep darkness, alone, with your incessant thoughts that do nothing but make you feel smaller and smaller. In that darkness there are very strong, painful and very uncomfortable emotions. It is unthinkable to stand up in those moments.
I address myself to those people who in their darkness…
They take refuge at home, devouring everything they find in the fridge, or hide behind the endless Netflix series. People with addiction problems who believe they need their favourite to get out of reality or, on the contrary, they use these substances to express emotions bottled up inside.
I address myself to those people who in their darkness….
They feel that they have lost part of their life with confinement and do not find themselves in relation to others. Or those people who financially have lost their business, their home, their partners and now to get back on their feet they ask themselves: what for?. Their anxiety and their depression are following you every day.
I address myself to those people who in their darkness….
They may have survived confinement, have their basic needs met, but their days are uphill, lost in monotony. They have lost their spark, they have long struggled with a smile on their face but are tired of pulling the cart. They feel stifled and irritable with every little thing in their life….
Emotions and thoughts is a very complex couple but they need each other to survive the day to day.
The problem is that we tend to run away from those thoughts and emotions so that, temporarily, there may be a feeling of relief and freedom. However, those thoughts and emotions come back, they always come back and even come back making even more noise.
That which you resist, persists. That which you accept, frees you.
But what does this really mean? It means that what you are running away from you have to make room in your life, feel it, observe it, I would even say make friends with those thoughts and emotions.
How do you do that?
Easier than we think, however it takes courage, patience and consistency.
When that uncomfortable emotion appears, stop for a moment and feel how that emotion gets closer and closer, more and more intense.
Just observe it.
Do not judge it, emotions are neither good nor bad. That judgment is made by the mind, so address it with compassion: “thank you mind, but now I don’t need you”.
There are people who see that emotion coming and feel like crying but they do not want to cry, they do not want to feel that sadness because they think they are going to start crying and they will not be able to stop crying. Here, the mind, again, plays a lot with us, put it aside for a few seconds and cry, please. Do yourself that favor, experiment and I tell you, instead of feeling weak, you will feel relief and you may even see things differently once you have allowed yourself to feel.
As I said before, the mind is very attached to emotions and intensifies them even more. What it wants is to protect us, its fear comes from years ago, in the time of Homosapiens, protecting us from dangers. Those dangers, with the passage of time, have been created by us and I am not saying that they are not true, all I am saying is: stop, breathe and observe.
We go so much on autopilot, we are not aware of many behaviors we have that harm us. However, we have the ability to choose and correct at least our behavior: stop and breathe.
Notice where that feeling is: in your chest? in your throat?, tension in your shoulders?. Make space for them in your body, yes, as you read. When you find yourself with that lump in your throat, breathe and feel how the air you breathe flows into and around that lump, as if you are somehow creating extra space inside your body. Let go of this sensation. Give it room to move.
Allow yourself to feel, what was said before, allow yourself to cry, for example. If you go back to the same old behavior: eating, any kind of addiction, isolation, Netlflix etc, etc, you will continue in your vicious cycle, you will continue to feel bad. Give yourself a chance.
Stop, breathe, observe and allow yourself that time for you
This process is not easy but it is not impossible either. It is to have patience, to dedicate patience because you are learning a very useful skill.
However, be careful, because with this practice, it is not about changing but about accepting that emotion, that thought. They will be with you for your whole life, but please do not despair now, the more you practice, the better you will be able to handle it, instead of it handling you.
If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask me.
I know these are difficult times for some of you and we psychologists are here to give you that little push to restart your lives.
A big hug.
#TrainyourMindsettoshine