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Oh, solitude! Solitude, my homeland!

Nietzsche

Loneliness still has a very bad press in our society.

Who has not heard in his childhood that of: Go to your room and think ALONE! From an early age, unconsciously, society has given us the information that loneliness is bad.  Moreover, for many people, being alone is a failure, a social stigma that causes a lot of sadness, isolation and depression.

While it is true that people are social beings, however, on too many occasions, our eagerness to be with other people is driven by our fear of loneliness.

We patch up our loneliness with a multitude of behaviors: social networks, going from couple to couple, Netflix, various addictions, sports, Tinder/Badoo or any of these apps to find a partner, with the sole purpose of filling that emptiness or even boredom of being alone.

Don’t get me wrong, here. Many of these behaviors help us manage any situation that in those moments we are not able to deal with. Many of these behaviors are automatic, long learned and relieve us of the stress of the moment. However, let’s use these patches occasionally and do some introspection work when something or someone has bothered you.  It is your learning moment, observe yourself.

The, ¨ I, me and myself ¨ is a phrase that has been attacked a lot on social media because it may seem selfish.  Again, society has taught us that “don’t be selfish, share”. However, how can I give, if I am not good with myself? What’s wrong with finding yourself so that you can re-emerge with more confidence to give if the situation calls for it?

Maybe sometimes, giving to another person, even if we are not feeling well, satisfies us and helps us to give meaning to our life. A very respectable value.  But, this sharing should be a “giving” without reproach, healthy, without expecting anything in return, otherwise, it will be more harmful to oneself. Beware of expectations towards others.

And at other times, we may learn about ourselves through others as they challenge us in different areas of our lives that may be new. The analysis of these reactions are important, we can learn a lot. For this, we need our solitude to think, feel and find ourselves.

The outside, of course, can add up, or at least that would be the intention, but remember the pandemic. There were many lonely people. This loneliness has been imposed and I am aware that it has been very hard for many people. Especially for older people, people who suffer from certain disabilities and have had no support from their loved ones, and even for teenagers.

For this group of people, loneliness has been forced upon them and it may have been complicated as they have had few resources to handle the lack of companionship.

However, I want to make an important distinction: “being alone” is not the same as “feeling alone. We are all alone, but we live under the illusion that we are accompanied because we pair up, have children, surround ourselves with friends, etc., but in reality we are alone.  Although it is different from “feeling alone”, you can live alone and not feel alone, or be accompanied and feel tremendously lonely.

We must learn to be happy by ourselves, enjoying our company in silence and solitude.  It is the most difficult conquest, but necessary to find emotional balance.

Thanks for your time and remember, if you have any questions, do not hesitate and contact me, I will be please to assist you.

 

From solitude you can extract your greatest virtues.

Logotipo Marisa RichelleAnonymous

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